Defiance

My sister-in-love sent this to me months ago.

“In the days of apartheid in South Africa, Christians there used to light candles and place them in windows as a sign to themselves and to others that they believed that someday this injustice would end. A candle burning in a window was a sign of hope and a political statement. The government didn't miss the message. It passed a law making it illegal to place a lit candle in a window, the offense being equal to owning a firearm, both considered equally dangerous. This eventually became a joke among the kids: "Our government is afraid of lit candles!”

They had reason to be! Lit candles, more than firearms, overthrew apartheid. Hope, not guns, is what ultimately transforms things. To light a candle as an act of hope is to say to yourself and to others that, despite anything that might be happening in the world, you are still nursing a vision of peace and unity based upon something beyond the present state of things and this hope is based upon deeper realities and powers than the world admits. To light a candle is to state publicly that you believe that what's real and what isn't is ultimately determined by powers and issues that go beyond what's seen on the evening news. To light a candle is an act of political defiance.” Ron Rolheiser

This was especially meaningful to me since we had just lit, for the first time, an incredible candle over Christmas, which had been given to us by dear friends around the time of Jordan’s move to heaven.  Tied around the candle is a card that reads the song he sang days before, “There is a light that always shines.  It shines in the day and it shines in the night.  When the dark days come, and the sun isn't bright, I will be shining for I have a light.”

We viewed the lit candle as an act of defiance against the darkness of everything around us, demanding us to focus on it.  Jesus has given us eyes to see where our son is, what our purpose here is, where our destination is,  and where our Hope lies - in Jesus.

Note: if you didn't get to see the video in the last message, go to www.jordanshealing.blogspot.ca

Olly Olly In Free

Our childhood game of tag included the joyous shout “Olly Olly In Free!!!” when we touched home base...whatever it was, whether a tree, the side of a house or a fence post.

Kim and I often turn to each other these days and say this, sometimes with tears in our eyes, when we see something Jordan has escaped.

no more math exams

no more unanswered questions

never out of reach of Jesus

no more miscommunication

no more being misunderstood

no more misses - of any kind

no more confusion

Jordan has escaped so much, but wait! He has gained so much more than he has left behind.

He is waaay more creative - and is creating right now.  What he imagines, he can build.

Our son is completely confident in his security and significance.

His strength and energy are impressive.

Unending beauty surrounds him.

Laughter and joy in the presence of His Creator and Redeemer.

He is basking in true Kingdom Community - he belongs and is cheered everywhere he goes.

The rest of us are stuck here and while we are here, we are going to boldly advance the Kingdom of Jesus. Along the way, we are having some FUnrau time - as you can see in this video from Christmas in Florida. Top speed: 18 mph.

Wedding at Boca

Kim here:

We are truly living in the tension between heaven and earth. As believers we are to partner with Jesus to bring things into order on earth as they are in heaven - marriages, families, bodies, communities, people walking in faith and love.  But that is not what we see around us. We felt that on Christmas Eve when we scattered the ashes from Jordan’s body. While it is true that “he is not here, he is risen”, it was still a painful and stark reminder of our loss.

Later that day, Matthew, Joel and I were in the mall scurrying around with all the other shoppers, when Matthew noticed the Salvation Army guy was standing with a cane. Matthew asked us if we wanted to pray for the man - Yes! His name was Murray and he had been injured in the Navy back in 2004. We spoke healing to his body for a few seconds and checked in to see what the difference was. The pain and restriction of movement was 50% gone. Thank you Jesus. We kept on going until all the pain and restriction was gone. He dropped his cane - he was very surprised. We encouraged him, blessed him and went on our way. When we walked by him a few minutes later, he told us that even though we hadn’t prayed for his shoulder, that had been healed too!

A few days ago we were at the wedding of our family friends down here in Boca Raton, Florida. We know how Jesus loves to do miracles at weddings, so we were on alert. Two people got healed at the reception - both had chronic pain that completely disappeared. We expect healing now.

So, in the midst of loss, we are seeing some significant victories. When we tell these stories, some have said, “We just don’t have that kind of faith”. That feeling is familiar to me. I have walked for years assuming that the healing kind of faith belonged to someone else and was out of reach for me. Then we heard a teaching that God has given everyone the gift of faith, and as you use whatever faith you have, you get more. If faith is a muscle, then lift what you can and repeat. Work out that muscle until you can lift heavy illnesses off people.  It’s part of your inheritance.

The Rock

A few nights ago my dream was so vivid that I awoke in a sweat.  I had slid to the edge of a rock precipice with a third of my body over the edge.  There is no love of heights in my history and the view was Grand Canyon-like.  Self-talk kicked in while my body tensed and froze.  Ever so slowly, using my fingers to grasp the tiny indentations, I inched my way back onto the smooth of the rock.  As the last bit of my foot pulled in from dangling in mid air, I exhaled and lay back, feeling the strength of the rock and the sun on my face - but my heart was left pounding outside of my chest….so close.

The next morning I found myself asking Jesus where He was in my dream.  Remember, He promised to never leave me  - never.

The first thought that entered my mind was that He was The Rock.  Without leaning back into Him, I would be over the cliff and completely crushed. For me, looking down includes: “whys”, self-pity, blame, jealousy, guilt, bitterness, unforgiveness and emptiness.  While all of these are understandable, none are desirable and so aren’t really options.   Frequently Kim and I will comment to each other that without Jesus we don’t know if our marriage would have survived the last year.  We don’t know if we’d be sane.  When we look back, the objective insanity of those last weeks in Canuck House was horrific.  And yet He was and is our Peace, our Joy, our Hope - Jordan’s and ours.

This afternoon, Kim and I finally put up the rest of the decorations on our tree. Matt was napping and Joel hadn’t arrived yet - his plane was delayed 34 hours - we’re picking him up at the airport tonight at midnight.   We so long to just be together.  Gifts are not as high on the the priority list as they once were...food gets bumped down as well.  But there is one laugh that we won’t get to hear and one hug we won’t get to experience and Jordan’s absence has made us all the more aware of how precious we all are to each other.  Many of our tree decorations have five names on them...Jordan is all over our tree with us.  But the only reason we have the courage to move forward, dream, risk, laugh and cry with hope is because of Jesus.

Cracked

This week, I'm presenting to a group of students that would be considered a serious challenge.  When the teacher prepped me, he advised that I not expect any interaction.  In fact, they may just retreat to corners and not make eye contact.  

That first morning I awoke with the sense that I needed to share with them just a bit of my journey with Jordan.  I so struggled with that since I have not publicly spoken about his last year and our pain since his celebration last December.

I didn't want to look for pity or manipulate anyone's emotions or have someone trample my pearls.  My stomach churned driving to the school - it’s a school for kids that don't have much hope of graduating...who for various reasons are considered high risk.

Jordan's life is not a trick I can pull out of my hat of stories, illustrations or anecdotes.  He is my baby who lived, suffered and died heroically.  

Yet Holy Spirit kept nudging, gently prodding me to risk it with these perfect strangers.  So I breath deeply after introducing myself as a mother with 3 sons, all taller than me, and told them so briefly about our journey.  I tell the class that from our last year, I'm reminded of how precious and how short life can be.  And how very valuable each one in that room is.  A big part of why I can do what I do is because Jordan wholeheartedly encouraged me to - so that people could know how important they are.

And they responded.  Each one met my eyes.  They raised their hands and risked to answer questions and give their input.  They're pretty broken. But then, so am I.  Broken but not destroyed. When I've heard others say that brokenness is beautiful, I can’t say that has been true for me. Brokenness has sharp, painful jagged edges with parts missing. I can say that my brokenness has only magnified Jesus’ beauty.  And He has proven Himself to be more than enough to handle my brokenness. We do have this treasure in jars of clay with His Light shining through our cracks.

Phil Wickham’s song You’re Beautiful has become a cry.

Verse 3 is where I simply lose it every time. Jesus is soo beautiful.

We’re including a link to the song. Press it and play song #4.

http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Singalong+2/8328949

Opening Doors

I am often reminded that heaven's gain is our loss.

My Mom used to have two men in her life who treated her like gold. And within two years, they were both gone.  My brother is a wonderful son, who lives only 6 hours away - a 1 hour flight. But it's not the same as living in the same house, or 5 minutes down the road.  

My Dad loved my mom so very well. He cherished her and shared every part of his life with her.
Jordan grew up with his grandparents living only a bike ride away once they moved to town when he was 4 - such a treat.  His weekly "job" involved cleaning a bit around the house, sometimes getting good tips from the change he retrieved beneath the lounge chair in their family room.  And when my Dad,(Grampy), went to heaven, Jordan was the man about Grammy's house, helping with things she couldn't reach, heavy things, man things.  

Mom has reminded me again of a special moment in time. After grocery shopping, Jordan insisted on Grammy waiting in the van while he lifted the bags into the back for her. As they approached the vehicle, Jordan opened and closed her door before he placed the groceries into the back and was on his way to his seat when a man nearby got out of his car to speak with Jordan. Through the wind shield my mom observed the exchange with the handshake that followed.  When Jordan made his way back to the van, my mom was curious.  The older gentleman wanted Jordan to know that he had witnessed the attention given to his grandmother, the door opening and closing, and he wanted to commend him for his evident devotion.

What the man didn't know was that it had been a particularly brutal day in junior high school and Jordan had been a bit down when his Grammy had picked him up.  

A moment frozen in time.  

Even though Kim opens my door, I do miss the mischievous face that used to try get there first and cherish me.  

Treasure

As close up witnesses of Jordan’s short life, we can testify, along with others, that he fought the good fight.  He finished the race.  He kept the course. And a crown awaited him at his entrance to heaven - a year ago today.

So often I have wondered what his first tastes, sights and sounds of this new and eternal life were.  

This weekend I was reading the verse about laying up treasure in heaven.  Kim reminded me of the time in 2011 when Jordan emptied his bank account of $400 to give it to a micro-enterprise missions agency in Uganda.  That was a big deal because Jordan was a saver and usually spent his money with serious deliberation.  His words were, "They need it more than I do."  

This came a year after the father/son trip to India and Uganda. As our sons entered the teen years, Kim took them on a trip to a third world country to provide a perspective outside themselves in order to break their heart for the poor and mitigate the self-centred obsession we can so easily fall into in North America.  

Even at the age of 13, he was laying up treasure. We intend to do the same.

Raise a glass with us and share with us this toast: To the King and the Kingdom - which Jordan now knows better than all of us.

Jordan in Uganda