Saturday 15 June 2013

Men of Faith



As we drove home through the mountains, Kim turned on one of Jordan's favourite playlists starting with Cori Asbury's "So Good to Me".
How can we ever thank Jordan for teaching us so much about simple faith?  He made it easy to believe...and it would have been completely, completely understandable if he had made it hard.  But he pushed us on and it must have cost him in ways we may never know.
Jesus Culture's "Nothing Holding Back" came on next and it's true of us, but even more true of Jordan now.  Truly free!  Forever!  Wow, I am just typing and bawling and laughing and wow!  I owe Jordan a debt of love I can never repay for walking with us as a brother in Christ through the darkness.
Eternity is just beyond this veil.  What if the rest of my life is lived only giving serious thought to what will last - what I can take into eternity?  All that will last - people - immortal beings - heading towards either becoming an incredible everlasting spender or horror.  Jesus help me.  Keep clearing my eyes.
Jordan's aunt Denise reminded me of his last words to her and his blessing over her and it made me so grateful once again for those who continue to remind me of their thoughts of him and his impact on their lives.
A bench along Brandt's Creek walkway between Yates and Kane Road has been placed.  We decided instead of a grave (since Jordy isn't there anyway) to have a place where people can sit and think about eternity. My Dad,  "Grampy", went to heaven on Jordan's 13th birthday and was such an influencer in loving Jesus and loving others that it seemed appropriate to put them together since they are probably regularly hanging out together with Jesus in heaven.  If you live in the area, please enjoy the bench serenaded by the birds, beneath the trees, by the brook with the ducklings and quail.

Kim Here:

It's amazing how memories dance around your heart.  Some are tender and some are ferocious. I keep on coming back to the fading of Jordan's heartbeat the day he passed to his real home and his real Father. I had my hand on his chest. Such a holy moment. Such a loss for us and such a gain for him.  The other memory was the day when Darlene and I were holding each other searching for solace and one of her tears rolled down my cheek. Tasted just like mine.

Both provoke a range of emotions. And yet six months down the road from Jordan's passing, I am amazed at how well we are doing. If three things remain, we are so grateful to be swimming in the deep end of all three.

Faith: we are seeing more miracles and more prophecy than we can remember. We stand by grace and proclaim that we believe God.

Hope: this was the expensive one. This is the one can make your heart sick if it is deferred. Yet we are pregnant with hope. We are so thankful that we didn't protect ourselves from disappointment. That action ends up building a wall that blocks all the brilliant gifts Father has for us.

Love: Just reading some Watchman Nee – after his mid-twenties, he had a revelation of the love of Jesus and said, “The rest of my life was summarized by one word: Receive”. It wasn't primarily about his ability to love; it was his willingness to receive love he didn't deserve. We wallow in this on a regular basis. And it spills over to each other.

Thank you Jesus!

Wednesday 5 June 2013

Feeling At Home



I'm struggling to feel at home in our new house.  I know that I can't expect it to happen so quickly, given that we lived 12 1/2 years on Spruceglen.  It's just that nothing will ever be the same.  And more and more, I am coming to feel that I may never feel truly at home on earth again.  Much of my heart is already in heaven.  My Dad and now my son.  Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Looking out from the beach to the ocean in Oregon, I told God once again, (feels like the millionth time), that I just don't understand.  And I heard His response.  "Do you need to understand to trust me?"  Gazing from that particular vantage point, I had two giant rocks flanking my vision.  I knew there was a whole lot more ocean beyond...but I only had my narrow perspective.  

Last week, while I presented in a grade 10 class (the age of Jordan when he went home), the awareness of their challenges just enveloped me.  They have so many choices to make - and it is daunting. The wrong ones can severely impact their future.  Can Jordan even make wrong decisions any more?  What's it like to totally have that pressure off.   I'm so proud of him...and I so miss him.  I can't even say that enough.  Bitter and sweet.  He is living the dream.

It has been such a blessing to have Matthew here.  He has one more semester left of schooling in Business Administration and then his life is wide open - uncharted territory.  About once a week we have a good cry together.  Everything has changed - shifted somehow for our family....it's as if we're looking at the world from a different angle.  Sometimes he'll just pick up my hand and kiss it...so loving and kind.  
He and Kim headed to Edmonton for a conference last weekend and ended up praying for loads of people - prophesying and healing the sick...actually seeing it...so great. And Joel - off in the prairies on his own is risking in faith.  Wow God.