Sunday, 7 April 2013

New Nest

We've found a house to rent.  It has most of the things on my list of hopefuls.  The biggest adjustment, aside from not containing any memories, will probably be the size. It is about a third the size of our home now has a fifth of the storage space.  It does require simplifying...which is good. Really good.
It's the lack of memories that I have to trust Father for.  It is near a golf course and trails where Jordan and Tucker raced while Kim and I strolled the winter before our lives changed so dramatically.  I am grateful for that...I can see Jordan's legs carrying him effortlessly over the hills and I can hear his voice goad Tucker into following him as he bobbed and weaved his way along.   I so miss his laughter and squishes and questions and opinions and observations and voice and his presence.

Being thrown into empty nesting was not the plan.  I was jealously guarding our years with Jordan at the time he would leave to travel or attend school, I would be ready...or so I told myself.

It is crazy what comforts me:  new pictures of Jordan people send or I find in the packing, Skyping my sons, reconnecting with long ago friends, clean sheets and sharp pencils, warm mugs beside the fire, hearing stories of people being healed, finding Kim has unloaded the dishwasher or filled a vase with tulips or white roses, BBC dramas from Dickens, and waterfalls beside a mountain road.
Some mornings I apply makeup only to find it was a really bad idea - on the way to work my face is streaked with tears.  Other days I find only joy and laughter in Jordan's life - then and now.  Such is my life...until this side of eternity is over.