Joel recently asked me if I was going to write in the blog once again.
But words so often fail me - how did I ever think I could put my heart on the page?
I have received several emails and texts lately from friends reminding me of their frequent conversations with Father concerning our family. Thank you for praying and trusting and communicating your thoughts and memories of Jordan.
There are very few concerns I battle with - I love my job, our new house is becoming home, my relationship with my husband and sons is incredible, and we’re all on the same page in living out our lives as disciples - apprentices - of Jesus. But the one fear that can pop up, is that as life goes on, Jordan will be forgotten. And I know he is beyond that concern...but I guess I'm not.
We're coming up on a year. It hardly seems possible. So much has changed and at the same time, so much remains the same. Heaven is closer and earth has less of a hold. It’s almost as if the gravitational pull has shifted.
As I introduce myself to students or am in conversation with educators, I still say that I have three sons. It's if and when they ask how old, and what they're doing, I get to decide how deep this conversation can go in the moment.
Tears are never really far away - both in joy and sorrow. But they don't threaten to undo me. I've already been undone and now I'm being tenderly knit back together to make the next stretch. I don't know how long it will be until I see my brilliant young son again, but the confidence of being held by him, and spending time with Jesus together, and exploring eternity with him is more real than...well than most anything.