This week, I'm presenting to a group of students that would be considered a serious challenge. When the teacher prepped me, he advised that I not expect any interaction. In fact, they may just retreat to corners and not make eye contact.
That first morning I awoke with the sense that I needed to share with them just a bit of my journey with Jordan. I so struggled with that since I have not publicly spoken about his last year and our pain since his celebration last December.
I didn't want to look for pity or manipulate anyone's emotions or have someone trample my pearls. My stomach churned driving to the school - it’s a school for kids that don't have much hope of graduating...who for various reasons are considered high risk.
Jordan's life is not a trick I can pull out of my hat of stories, illustrations or anecdotes. He is my baby who lived, suffered and died heroically.
Yet Holy Spirit kept nudging, gently prodding me to risk it with these perfect strangers. So I breath deeply after introducing myself as a mother with 3 sons, all taller than me, and told them so briefly about our journey. I tell the class that from our last year, I'm reminded of how precious and how short life can be. And how very valuable each one in that room is. A big part of why I can do what I do is because Jordan wholeheartedly encouraged me to - so that people could know how important they are.
And they responded. Each one met my eyes. They raised their hands and risked to answer questions and give their input. They're pretty broken. But then, so am I. Broken but not destroyed. When I've heard others say that brokenness is beautiful, I can’t say that has been true for me. Brokenness has sharp, painful jagged edges with parts missing. I can say that my brokenness has only magnified Jesus’ beauty. And He has proven Himself to be more than enough to handle my brokenness. We do have this treasure in jars of clay with His Light shining through our cracks.
Phil Wickham’s song You’re Beautiful has become a cry.
Verse 3 is where I simply lose it every time. Jesus is soo beautiful.
We’re including a link to the song. Press it and play song #4.