The closest image I have
found in my mind to describe the last three months is crowd surfing. When
the boys were little, Kim hosted a series of youth conferences and one time the
crowds were so thick and so excited that they encouraged him to jump off the
stage into their waiting raised hands to be pushed along as he lay on his back.
I couldn't believe my eyes when my husband, all 6'6" and over 225lbs
actually entrusted himself to their combined strength. While I couldn't
see their faces, their hands were there, pushing him along, until they gently
brought him down only to walk back up on stage and continue MCing the meeting.
My experience is one of hands beneath me, taking turns, tenderly considering my needs, sharing memories, bringing joy, and patiently listening for any of my need to cry, question or remember.
Last night I told Kim that I can't describe myself as a mother whose son is dead ... because he isn't. He died but he lives - more alive than he ever has been - so my grief is laced with joy and confident anticipation of being with him again. What a jumble!
Mexico has been medicine for our souls. I have hardly cracked open my books. Just time to sit and wonder and feel. Lots of laughter with Dean and Janine as we enjoy each other and go on mini-adventures.
We'll be home Friday and Kim will turn around a fly out Saturday to teach a week long OT survey course (with Chris Barber's help - thank you!) at the JGLM ministry school in Dallas, TX. I am soo glad for this opportunity for him but not crazy about doing without his presence for a week. We have been pretty much joined at the hip this last year. Our desire is that while he gives out, that he will be able to partner with those there to learn and experience first-hand more about healing those who are sick, loving the lost and advancing the Kingdom.
