Carried

Kim here:

Wow, what an incredible thing it is to be carried by Jesus. We have spent many hours just enjoying the affection of Jesus. So with Him, we have spoken strong declarations of truth, enjoyed glorious worship, quiet reflection, loud laughter and shed some tears. We know that people are very concerned for us - hoping that we aren’t going to hit the wall or fall of the cliff of false hope. But how can hope in Jesus be false?
I remember being worried that if Jordan died, that I would no longer believe that God was good. Truth is that I am more convinced of His goodness now than ever. Darlene said yesterday that she loves Jesus more now than she ever has before.
This might be the effect of thousands of people praying fervently for you all at once. And we don’t know how we will think and feel next week. But Jesus will be with us next week. Truth will still be truth next week.

Years ago, Jesus transformed my understanding of success. He asked me if Jeremiah from the Old Testament was a success. Don’t know. He asked me if Jesus was a success in the eyes of the world in the moment he was despised and rejected. Doesn’t look like it. So what is success? This is what Father said, “Success is listening and obeying”. Jesus said that if we came to Him, listened to Him and did what He said that we wouldn’t be crushed by the storm.  If we had defined success as healing or resurrection, then we have failed. But since we have defined success as listening and obeying, we believe that all of us who have listened and obeyed are incredibly successful. And that’s why we can wallow in the affirmation of Jesus. We have done really well. Jordan did really well.
On Tuesday morning, even after everything had been taken from him - he could no longer eat or drink and communication was incredibly difficult -  he tried to say something to us. It took us awhile to understand that that he was saying, “Why don’t we have communion?”. We were stunned. You want communion? He nodded. We wept together and praised Jesus for his body and blood given for us. Jordan could only have a flake of cracker and a drop of grape juice but that was the last thing we did together. Jordan did really well.

When the surgeon told Jordan in March that they needed to amputate his leg, he replied, “I want to be healed or I want to go to heaven. I don’t want my leg cut off”. Well, now he has both: healing and heaven, simultaneously - Not the way we would have chosen or were praying but nevertheless true.

Matthew and Joel are flying in tonight.  It is so good to be on the same page as a family and praying in the same mind.  

And, what’s up with you people in Russia? Even though people from many nations are praying for Jordan and our family, Russia came in fourth for most visits to the blog. Who are you people? Please write to the email address from the last post and let us know so we can thank you.

Many are asking about plans for a memorial celebration service - still don’t have any. Too busy worshipping and dancing today. Check back tomorrow. We may have more clarity at that point. One step at a time.

Darlene here:

I am of at least 2 minds, but I am a woman. The mother part of me wants Jordan to be kept safe.  He has been through enough suffering.  Asking him to return to earth almost feels cruel.  I went to a funeral 5 years ago where a woman had suddenly and painlessly died at the age of 50.  Her daughters stood up to speak they said they could not begrudge their mother heaven since she had already died once at the age of 10, come back to life 20 minutes later and was irritated with everyone for years.  “Why did you bring me back?”  Heaven was sooo amazing.  When she was taken to a beautiful garden she would say “It’s too bad that everything has this gray film on it....makes everything so dirty.”  Once she came to terms with being “stuck” back on earth she became a huge witness, telling everyone she met how wonderful heaven and Jesus were.  How can I ask Jordan to return if I probably wouldn’t. without significant kicking and screaming?

But then I have a “sister - in - the - Lord" perspective.  We need Jordan here as a fellow warrior.  The world needs to know that Jesus has the power to forgive sins, to set us free from sickness and death, to love us to life.  Jordan’s friends need courage to keep being the men of God they are becoming.  As his aunt Kathy put it, “Jordan’s high school needs him.”  Because they need Jesus.  And I want to empty a hospital with him and just laugh and laugh and laugh with joy.

These 2 perspectives don’t make me double-minded and I have peace about both of them soo...not our will but Yours be done Jesus.  Jordan’s room is waiting for him.  The house is stripped of wheelchairs, commodes, hospital beds, lift systems.  We can go shopping for new jeans since I’m sure by now he is well over 6 feet - taller than Joel.  And he started showing a bit of mustache in the last few weeks....we can get a shaver.  :-)  And I’m sure grade 10 math won’t be so daunting after his trip to heaven and back.  

Whenever I ask Jesus about Jordan I just see him dancing  - amazing moves that you couldn’t do on earth.  He always liked making up his own. Walking and leaping and praising God!!!

Jordan’s body is being transported to Kelowna.  He looks so gorgeous (an objective mother’s perspective) We saw his body at the Burnaby funeral home yesterday...he still has the little smirk that the nurses’ first noticed.  They have seen many children’s bodies and they were shocked with his peace. His hair is just a bit over his forehead, the way I love it and he would always laugh and push it all up.   It was good for us to sit and invite him back and submit to Jesus’ will at the same time.  We laughed and cried and laughed when we realized we didn’t have any kleenex.  Who doesn’t have kleenex in a viewing room?  And on that note, hospitals and hospices have the hardest kleenex in the world!  Sandpaper!  When visiting friends, bring Puffs or something softer.  :-)  I needed to see him since it was so painful us to witness his body taken from Canuck Place. We looked after that body for soo long.  I wanted to ask them to especially watch the right leg.  I love that boy!

This is what you do, You make me come alive.

This is the title of Jordan’s favorite song (by Matt Stinton) and it has been for quite awhile. Which is good, because last night, Jordan experienced life like he never has experienced before. He went to be with Jesus.

The experience of witnessing him go from his body was unlike anything we could have imagined. There was immediate and profound joy that his suffering was over. He had just finished having a sponge bath. Darlene had massaged his feet and hand and given him a back scratch. When we returned him to lying on his back, he simply stopped breathing. No gasping or struggling. No more pain, no more iv lines coming from his body, no more struggle communicating, no more feeling left out of life.  And he can eat and drink and laugh and run and be completely free from being trapped in a dying body.  And we experienced peace. And gratitude. And then we did what every believer in Jesus has authority to do – tell the dead who have died before God’s natural time, to come back to life. To wake up.  It wasn’t in a panic or out of desperation, it was out of promise, out of obedience and out of overwhelming revelation that has come through many dreams and visions from across Canada and the U.S. People from all over have had this confidence that the end wasn’t the end, but the beginning. That Jordan’s calling on earth is not over and that we are to agree with Jesus that after Jordan receives the revelation he needs, gets his tour of heaven and meets those Jesus wants him to meet, that he is to come back and finish the job that Jesus gave him to do. That death can’t hold him.

If this all weirds you out, we are drawing from an overwhelming foundation of Scripture. Jesus commanded his disciples to raise the dead. He hasn’t changed his mind. The disciples raised the dead after Jesus ascended to heaven. Dorcas in Acts 9 was the first to come to mind last night.  We have been given resurrection power as we believe - Ephesians 1:19-23. Women received their dead back to life - Heb. 11:35. Jesus promised that we would do what He did, and even greater things. He proclaimed in John 16 that He would give us everything He has - which includes authority over death. Romans 4:17 states that God gives life to the dead. We have four friends who have raised the dead in the past few years, on this continent. This is part of our inheritance that has been lost.

You may think that we should just let it go and accept what has happened and start to grieve. We have never been in this place before – so we are living in the moment and responding in the moment. That means we are leaning into Jesus and doing what we believe is right – hour by hour right now. 

You don’t have to agree or do anything. We just wanted you to know we are up to. At present – we are not spending any time planning a memorial service. We need to be in this day – talk with our sons – process and listen. We know that many of you are wondering what can you do – or how to process. Each of us must process our own thoughts and feelings. Just because we are feeling joy, doesn’t mean you have to. But please go on your journey with Jesus. And pray that our family will remain in Him and His love remain in us.

We will keep you posted on the blog as we have a clearer direction of the next steps for us. We don’t feel anxiety. There is just an incredible desire to obey the command of Christ to raise the dead. The Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is in us and in energizing us. We aren’t striving or trying to make things happen through human effort, just calling for the fulfillment of Jordan’s unfulfilled promises and desires here on earth. At present - we are planning on spending the next 24 hours here with Jordan’s body at the hospice. Waiting, believing, listening, obeying, soaking in the peace and calm that is ours. We feel carried, so thank you for standing with us. We would love to have a resurrection/celebration party! Because, Jesus makes us come alive!

We are going to stay in Vancouver for a bit to focus on Jesus and His love and truth. And to rest - it’s been a long run.

If you have any dreams or revelation please send them to the same email: dreamsforjordan@gmail.com

Jordan's Calling

Jordan asked Jesus a question on Jan. 3, 2011 - one year to the day before his diagnosis: "What kind of man are you making me into?" The following is what Jordan heard: (Kim had written it down and forgotten about until yesterday)
1. You are making me into a Warrior of the Lord - like a Viking.
2. I will be a big bulky man with a battle axe on my shoulder.
3. I will kill scores of the enemy (ie: spiritual realm).
4. I will not be able to figure everything out.
5. I will be a man who has a different spirit who thinks in a different way.
6. I will become this man through suffering.
7. You have called me to walk through suffering in a “power walk” kind of way.
8. You will be with me the whole way.
9. You will never give up on me.
10. You will never let me go.
11. The great prayer that you are calling me to pray is in James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

We don't believe that Jesus sends sickness as a form of suffering to teach or train believers. We believe that the enemy is the one who kills, steals and destroys, but that Father forms great things in us through the process.

This list has become a prayer sheet for us - Jesus, Jordan needs to be healed so that he can fulfill the calling you have for him. If you agree, join us.

Dad, why is my bed shaking?

We found out how to lengthen the bed beside Jordan, so last night I got to have a sleepover with him. This morning the tears just wouldn’t stop.  It’s tough to cry really hard and not make any noise.  I did my best.  All the loss and wrongness of the past 11 months was overwhelming. Like most of you, when I need some perspective, I have my favourite worship playlist. As the first song rose, I was prompted to dance. Dance through the tears. And I knew the pleasure of Jesus in it. In fact, that has to be the most common knowing these days for me.  I hear, “This is my brother, whom I love. With him I am well pleased”.  In the midst of the dance, Jordan asked me (it’s getting hard to understand what he says), “Dad, why is my bed shaking?” I told him I was dancing. Dancing upon injustice, dancing in the face of fear and loss. Dancing in prep for the celebration of wholeness. When you fix your eyes upon Jesus, it’s hard not to dance.

We have heard an increasing chorus of people who are rising up in an intercession that is new for them. We hear that they are praying like they have never prayed before. That’s true for us too – although there is a rest in the midst of the prayer. Lately, we have received an invitation from our friends out east. They have offered to be a clearing house for any dreams or revelations that you have been receiving for Jordan.  Some have been asking about prophetic words that we have received for Jordan and even about his name. We chose Jordan because great things happened in that river. The Israelites crossed over the Jordan River toward the Promised Land. Jesus heard his Father’s affirmation and Holy Spirit descended upon him in that river. Great things happen to people when they get to know Jordan. The name actually means to descend. Jesus descended to us to make all things new. Jordan is called to go low and make things new for the broken, sick and lost. He is called to carry the fullness of the King and the Kingdom without fear and with great faith and love. He has significant favour.

Here’s a conversation Jordan had yesterday with a social worker who came into his room to find out how he could help Jordan make the most of his little bit of awake, not painful time.

"What do you want to do Jordan?"

"I want to heal people." 

Long Pause with a perplexed look on the social worker's face

"Well Jordan, I have been hearing conversations over the past 2 weeks among the staff.  And you are healing people right here....and you have things to say to other kids in your situation."

"That's okay but I need to be healed so I can heal people"

Not much to say after that hey?

 So, if you have dreams or revelations, please send them to dreamsforjordan@gmail.com

Reset Button

I awaken with mixed feelings.  Jordan's level of pain has been so out of control that for the vast majority of most days, he is sedated.  When he is awake, he asks for prayer and eats what he can. There is no hiding what our family believes. Worship music and praying from friends over the phone or in person squeak through our door into the hallway.  Nothing really changes when the doctors or nurses enter the room; in fact, Jordan will frequently request they join in if he is in pain.  

We’ve had some of our friends stay overnight with Jordan to help us get a good nights sleep and to continue to speak the truth to his body during the night. It has been amazing and restorative for us.  It’s been tough for Jordan to think about connecting face to face with his friends as it makes him sad and he feels all the losses all over again.  When they walk out of the room, he wants to walk out with them.

Sometimes the losses for Jordan come so quickly that it takes awhile for the shock to sink in.  Tuesday Jordan told his grandparents that his faith was bending...and then a few hours later, he prayed for his nurse and blessed her.  As Kim so aptly put it, our reset button is Hope.  Can't be otherwise if we believe the words of Jesus.

I Have A Light

After coming out of a heavily medicated sleep he had for an in-house surgical procedure, Jordan started softly singing this song by Don Potter:

"I have a Light, and it always shines
It shines in the day, and it shines in the night
When the dark days come, and the sun isn't bright
I will be shining, because I have a Light"

I lost it.  I have heard that old song at least 100 times and it never hit me like it did when Jordan sang it.  He is living it.

Stand Firm and Rest

We are not alone in our stand for healing and wholeness. In the last few days, Jordan has heard people from Texas, Florida, BC, Iowa, North Dakota, Washington, Alaska, Michigan and Australia command life into his body and all cancer to go. These believers are confident in their authority in Christ and have made a commitment that they won't quit.

Most of Jordan's day is spent sleeping. The pain has been lower in his legs and spine, he has less movement and increased facial pain The meds necessary are quite high and end up making him very groggy. But when he is awake, there are special moments to be had: 

Baths up to three hours long

Receiving prayer

Receiving a massage on Friday

Building a walking chameleon, complete with battery pack, with a Lego Master outside Thursday

Beating his brother Matthew in a very short Chess match Saturday morning

Going for bed rides outside under the Christmas lights Saturday evening

And praying for others. This is a video clip of Jordan praying for a family friend, Lindsay. He also prays for and blesses the staff from the house and any visitors that need healing. 

Lastly, enjoying some great music; either worship from our selection or a live concert - like Jonathan and Brian who came over yesterday and sang and prayed over Jordan.

So, yes there are tears and unanswered questions, but we are standing and resting in the promises of Christ. Thank you for joining us.

The Eye of the Storm

We pulled up the extra bed in Jordan's room alongside him and I slept here for the night.  He needed some extra TLC after another rough day ending with a tough conversation.  The reason we came to Canuck Place was to explore two options for pain management until Jordan's healing. Both are harsh but one has become dangerous due to the seemingly rapid progression of numbness throughout his body.  So in many ways we are backed into a corner.

Fortunately, Aunt Denise arrived near the end of the conversation with freshly made meatloaf and smashed potatoes - secret family recipe.

And what we had thought would be a few days, (I packed for 5 to be on the safe side) suddenly has no end in sight...that all by itself was a tough one.  I think Jordan knew before we did. A family photo from the summer arrived in the mail as a gift from our photographer's parents, Doug and Lavonne - perfect timing.  We were missing home.

The night felt, on a sensory level, like coming full circle from January for me...sleeping on a hospital bed in sweats with machines going, sounds of nurses in the hall, and Reece's comforting quilt covering me.  Throughout the night, I would hear Jordan's murmured prayers, commands to his body and expressions of trust and love to Jesus.  And then a few minutes ago he hums the song "You have been so good to me".

In a text I received this morning, Reece asked me if I was scared.  And I was surprised, after checking, that I was more mad/frustrated than scared.  For crying out loud, he just wants to sit up or lie on his side.  And late last night and this morning, eating became increasingly difficult, stealing some of the joy from one of his few pleasures.  This is wrong on soo many levels.

Two OT stories come to mind.  The showdowns between the prophets of Baal and Elijah and David and Goliath.  In both, the deck was stacked against the people of God.  Jordan and I have talked most about the latter but God and I have talked most about the former.  I'm not to jump about, contorting and beating myself to get God's attention.  We are His kids, bought by His Son's body and blood.  The act of communion reminds us continually.

One Day Closer

As I said good night to Jordan, that is what he responded with - "One Day Closer".  He is referencing what our prayer warrior friend Sheila greets him with every time she visits.  "One day closer to your healing".  

Canuck Place is housed in a turn of the century renovated mansion, complete with wrought iron gates, close to Ronald McDonald House and Children's Hospital.  It's the place we never, ever imagined becoming residents of. We arrived by air ambulance Friday in a plane which was less than a week old, with 2 pilots, 2 paramedics, room for 2 patients and 1 companion.  I was grateful that I was able to accompany Jordan as he was the only guest.  He was wheeled out from our home as some of the first snowflakes were flying....the landscape on our street looked like a Christmas card.  God is into the details because Jordan adores snow.  The ambulance took us straight to the airport, transferred Jordan into the plane and flew us the 50 minutes over the Rockies on a sunny day to Vancouver where another ambulance picked us up and drove us the 20 minutes to Canuck Place.  All the while, Jordan stayed strapped into the same gurney taking breakthrough medication when needed.  Kim and Tucker arrived several hours later by car with our luggage.

Its so kind of the hospice staff to let us bring Tucker.  He pretty much stays on Jordan's bed or one of the easy chairs beside it. His eyebrows and ears flickering as he watches and listens to all the activity around his master.

From the onset, the staff has no question about what Jordan's posture is.   Although he battles the varying degrees of pain in his back, loss of feeling and movement in his lower body, as well as issues with sight, speech and hearing, his consistent request is for prayer....and not just feel good prayer.  He is leading the charge.  As he drifts into a medicated sleep or pops out of a doze, Jordan will either be stating his love for us or be commanding his body "to display the manifestation of his healing".  Right after being given more bad news, "he will tell his body to get up and walk in the name of Jesus".  When he hears others are not well, he commands healing to their bodies - with pretty great results.  When pain flashes, Jordan's first request is for prayer..."Pain goes, restoration comes".  Sometimes the pain leaves immediately and he praises Jesus.  He despises the lines coming out of his body. There are only minutes out of every day since we arrived where Jordan is physically comfortable….unless you count sleeping or being knocked out. He is grateful for the staff's care (it's been hard on them to see him in such pain) but wants "to get up and show them what Jesus can do".  Yesterday morning, he used the word hopeless and then turned around and prayed once again.

Last night, when Kim and I tucked him in before we went to our room, I called out, "Can't wait to see you tomorrow" and Kim followed it up with a faith-filled "And play with you".  Jordan's response was "And empty hospitals together".  He has heard our friend Linda, who worked in Mozambique, talk about the day she and friends spoke healing to the patients in a hospital and watched the power of God empty it......Why not?  Why not here?  Why not?

I made a deal with Jordan wayyy back.  I would not give up Plan A.  Though EVERYTHING (thankfully not everybody) around me screams that I need to face "reality", and though I often end up in tears over the agony and bravery I witness in my youngest son, I don't have a choice.  Because in spite of everything I see, the life of Christ is in me and I was not given Holy Spirit to watch and not pray, or speculate instead of fight.  I have nowhere to go.  Our instructions are pretty clear in this one....even if it feels like the millionth time we command the pain to go and the restoration to come.

Squishing all of you who are holding up our arms and battling on our behalf.  This journey is unbelievably difficult.  Thankfully, Matthew and Joel are flying in on Thursday to be with us over the weekend. They love to speak life to Jordan’s body.

Siri Speaks the Truth

Kim writing ... Tucker and I drove down to Vancouver today in an attempt to catch up to Darlene and Jordan who were flown down from Kelowna in an Air Ambulance en route to Canuck Place Children’s Hospice. We were not able to give Jordan the help he needs at home. On the way, I used a program on my IPhone called Siri. I can ask the program questions and it does its best to answer.
I asked, “Use maps to find Canuck Place Children’s Hospice in Vancouver”
This was the answer it gave:

I repeated the question, and this was the second answer it provided:

I understand that these answers might be pre-programed into the mix, but I had never seen them before. And no matter what, they are true. And I heard truth when I really needed it - because the words Children and Hospice should never be in the same title. It’s not right that we are here. It’s not right that we need their help even though we are grateful for their help. They are great people dedicated to embracing life and hope to get us back home next week.

A man named Joe prayed powerfully for Jordan last week. Here’s what I remember: “We Command, We Stand and then We Rest in what Jesus has done.” Please pray for us in that rest part.

Jordan Bringing Joy

Darlene writes nearly all of these posts. But today, it’s my turn. 

Jordan’s relationship with Jesus has gone through a dramatic shift in the last month. Previously, he was calling on Jesus to heal, save and deliver. He is still doing that. But he is spending more time remaining in His love and fixing his eyes on Jesus.
This morning, while soaking in the hot tub, Jordan’s pain was quite high. And the hot tub has been one place to find relief.  So he asks me for help to fix his eyes on Jesus. Our first question to Jesus was “What was one of Your favourite days on earth?” Jesus responded that he loved the day that Lazarus was raised from the dead. When we asked why, Jordan heard Jesus speak to his spirit, “It was fun to see the Pharisees think that this one would be too hard for me and then see Lazarus come out of the tomb”. We then asked Jesus what happens in his heart when we choose to trust Him. Jordan saw and heard Jesus do a little dance while singing, “You did it, you did it.  You’re doing it”. There was such joy. We spent some time overwhelmed by our excitement in bringing Jesus joy. There is no experience on this earth higher than bringing Jesus joy. For this we were made. I wept. We went to John 15 - Remain in me and let my words remain in you. Remain in my love, then you can ask for anything and I will give it to you.  We got good at the second part, now we are really enjoying the first part. Jordan is freely receiving like he has never received before. He is wallowing in Jesus’ love.  I often catch him spending a lot of time fixing his eyes on Jesus and interacting with him in conversations and visions. He can’t seem to get enough of good worship that reminds him of the truth of who Jesus is and who we are in Christ.
Not all moments are this brilliant. Just thought I’d share the blazing light of this one.

On a side note:  Realized that we haven’t let you all know that Jordan is now sleeping on the first floor on a hospital bed.  Moving from den to family room and back is his daily challenge... He hasn’t left the house since last Sunday’s radiation. And we have met 2 possible nurses to help out in our home.  They are both wonderful.  Hard to believe we’re at this stage.

Amen

We've passed the 300th day mark of waking to an unbelievable prognosis and increasingly daunting symptoms.  Each day continues to bring unexpected joys and sorrows.  It's as if our family lives outside the normal routine of school, work, chores, weekdays or weekends.

Jordan's favourite thing is still receiving prayer whether it is over the phone, in person or lately through emails and letters I read over him.  This is from a card we received yesterday from Meredyth, a woman who was in our church when we were youth pastors in Niagara Falls, before Jordan was born:
"Christ the Healer, in Your name, I command any disease, abnormality, disfigurement or discomfort to be eradicated, normalized, restored and soothed because it's Your will and Your glory.  So be it in the powerful name of Jesus."
And we all say, "Amen" - it is certain, it is sure.”