Thursday, 20 September 2012

All Other Ground

Fell asleep last night with the hymn "On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand" and woke up to it still in my head.

I think I might be shell-shocked.  The assault on Jordan's body has come so fast and furiously with a new symptom in a new spot on a regular basis that we are left reeling.  While we were celebrating millimetres it appears that we are in full retreat mode. Our family room is darkened from the sun because it is so hard on Jordan's eyes.  His movements are more limited than ever due to new pains. So the meds are up as are the corresponding drowsiness.  Yet I'm in no hurry for him to awaken to yet more disappointment and body betrayal.  Two days ago he told me he woke up crying softly.  He kept saying "It wasn't all a bad dream" It is almost 11am and he is still sleeping.  Gorgeous day outside.  Tucker is sitting in the sunshine by the bed and waiting for his buddy to play.

I bawled like a baby after receiving an email wondering what we would like to eat. Kindness still can wipe me out.  Jordan is eating like a bird and feeling oh so full.  So now I'm back to being the bossy mama insisting on one more sip or another bite. Our friend, Jan dropped by peaches from her tree and it seems as if that is what Jordan is living on.  Cut up peaches slide down so nicely.  And milkshakes can slowly be consumed....and I'm eating everything as if to compensate for him....yea stretchy pants!

Kim is out with his dad finding a new mechanic to repair the truck....there was more damage than originally appeared to be.  Feels like a picture of Jordan's body.  If you would see him sleeping, you would think what a handsome, healthy young man.  Kim rented a van to retrieve Jordan's electric wheelchair from the school so he can scoot around the cul de sac with Tucker or around the mall when he is up to it.

It's hard to believe that just last week I was planning on heading back to work for a few days a week - my office is 5 minutes from Jordan's school. My job is a dream one for me:  researching, creating, presenting and training others to speak to middle school to university students regarding healthy relationships and sexual integrity. Kim was starting to reconnect with old clients. It was perfect.

I have asked my husband several times along the way, "What do we do now?".  His answer is consistent - "Keep doing what we're doing - what we know to be true, what Jesus told us to do."

"All other ground is sinking sand"