Restless

I've been awakening the last two mornings with a vague sense of disquiet.  Until the rest of the house rouses, I am alone with my thoughts. This last year we have been on mission.  If I had been required to fill in a questionnaire on my occupation, it would have been caregiver.  That role suddenly evaporated a month ago.  And although I am still a mother, my sons are now grown; Kim and I will return to an empty nest.  I am looking at it all from afar off since we hardly have to rush home.  I often wonder if the anticipation of a bad thing isn't really much worse than the actual situation or event.  The same self control required to "not worry about tomorrow" and "take every thought captive" that I used during 2012 will probably be required for 2013.  Anticipating and planning are one thing - fearing and stewing are another.

The one question my friend Suzanne told me that many parents whose young children die dread is "How many children do you have?"  Because it's not that question but the following ones, ages, location, occupation that gives one pause before answering.  Do I want to share one of my most impacting experiences with this new person...who may or may not become a friend?  If I say I have 2 sons, then it's just not true.  If I say I have 3 and the common questions follow...then I may tear up or they may feel awkward, as if intruding.
This last Sunday morning, when we had our family gathering, while Kim was reading the passage "Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given..." my answer came.  Jesus reminded me that people will take their cues from me.  My face has never been very good at hiding my feelings.  If they can see my sorrow - in missing Jordan and also my joy - in knowing he is doing so fantastically with Jesus, I have an opportunity.  An opportunity to witness to the life of Christ in Jordan - the goodness and greatness of God.  Jordan is not just "in a better place" as we are prone to say...he is in The Best Place.  Frankly after Jordan's suffering, any place would have been better than in his body.

I still don't get why he wasn't healed here on earth.  But I am not stuck on looking for an answer to that question.  Not right now anyway.  I've probably said it before but I can't imagine any answer really satisfying.

So this entire week, I have not dreaded the possible question but anticipated it - I love the way Jesus sticks so close.

Heaven is Closer

For the next few years I imagine we will be meeting strangers who have been praying for our family. I opened the door to one and her daughter bearing a plate of freshly made Christmas cookies and a gift.  Some have approached me with a number.  I just met 2:20pm. An alarm on her watch goes off every day to remind her to pray for Jordan, and now, our family. She arrived with a tray beef enchiladas, a CD, journal and book.  I can't recall ever praying for a stranger every day, faithfully at the same time...for months.
A debt of love I can never repay...only pass on.

We look at sickness differently.  Even the "little stuff".  I see no use in it.  There is enough hardship and persecution in this world to mold our character.  Sickness and disease just distracts or sidelines us from loving others.  I've heard untold sermons over the years about the benefits of illness - I just don't believe it anymore.  I don't see it in Scripture. Jesus healed everyone who came to Him.  I see no examples where He paused before a sick person only to say, "your sickness is God's will", or "this is a good lesson." It's the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Jesus declared that He came to bring us Life and Life Abundant.  And then He gave us the authority as believers to carry His Life and dispense it.  Jordan became a very good dispenser.  I want to do the same.

I find myself wanting to talk about Jordan often.  Just because he no longer lives with us doesn't mean he is not in my thoughts, a central figure in this last incredible year....It was such a privilege to be his mom.

While playing reverse charades at our friends' home the other night we found ourselves caught up in the hilarity.  I felt Jordan's giant smile and Jesus' pleasure.  The very best of earth is just a drop of delight experienced in heaven.  My son will never be bored again, wondering what he should do while he waits for anything.  Bored was never a term really allowed in our home without a broom being placed in one's hand. :-)  But I could tell when my kids were getting antsy.  There is no bored or boring in heaven. There is constant discovery, amazing adventure, the ability to do what you dream and a perfect body, mind and spirit to do them with - along with relationships that carry no judgement or shame or comparison - just joy and a deep sense of belonging.  How could it be any different in the Father's presence? Of course heaven is closer for me with my son and my father there. Just a thin veil between us.

P.S. Some friends have asked about my favourite heaven resources.  I had never heard a message preached on heaven.  Strange when you think about it being our ultimate destination.  And the angels in clouds playing harps just don't even sound interesting :-). Randy Alcorn's book, Heaven, is my favourite.  It's huge but it's so worth it.  Eye has not seen and ear has not heard what God has prepared for those who love Him BUT God has revealed them to us by His Spirit.    (I used to stop at verse 9 of 1 Corinthians forgetting that verse 10 was next)

We also put the media links to the celebration service on the right hand side of the blog page. So the full service, slide show and the We Win song are over there.

Flip flops in December

We all arrived at the Barber's home Thursday evening. The Barbers passed us on the highway heading north to the Carolinas for a winter wonderland Christmas and had offered their home to our family.  They'll be returning for New Years.  Yahoo! 

Matt and Joel almost didn't make their flights due to the blizzards but at the last moment were assigned first class seats from Minneapolis to Fort Lauderdale.   Their expressions coming off the plane were priceless.  I gather they were expecting to be booted into coach at any point before takeoff.  Soo grateful! Barbers left a fully lit Christmas tree, nativities, gifts and lights outside. It's warm and breezy.  The guys were commenting on how great it is to regroup in a home filled with amazing memories rather than in a strange hotel room.

Tonight we head to the Puch's to swim, decorate the tree and play games.  Christmas Boca-style.  The last two days we've been walking, napping, reading, talking, laughing, crying, and appreciating being together.  

Waves

How is it that the sounds of the ocean crashing the beach can soothe my soul so thoroughly?   I am surrounded by the magnitude and goodness of God.  There are so many wonderful memories we have of Jordan here in Florida: building sand forts, rolling in the surf, jumping waves, flying kites, yelling at the top of our lungs and letting the wind carry away our voices.Had to stop tonight at a pharmacy to buy more Puffs since I've run out of the small stash I brought.  My eyes have felt so puffy at times ...I could do a commercial for tissues with aloe. :-)  Evenings can be more difficult - when the pain and loss threaten to undo me. This evening Kim propped the door open for me so I could be surrounded by the roar of the surf.  How would we ever do this together if we didn't like each other so much?  So grateful for our family of God praying us through.  Sheesh!  I'm tearing up again...

The Thing Is

The thing is... I like Jordan. From the moment I was pregnant with our first son, Kim and I received random warnings that sounded like "Just wait until...".   "Just wait until you have a toddler, they will run you ragged". Or  "Just wait until they become teenagers, you won't have a moments peace".

Kim and I decided early on to tell our sons that we were so excited for our future with them...I told each one that I couldn't wait until he could drive me around, even though the thought was a bit terrifying.  We anticipated their teenage years, graduations, weddings, children....Jordan spoke often of how he looked forward to treating his wife well, telling her how beautiful and wonderful she was.  He dreamed of how he would discover and celebrate the personalities and uniqueness of his children and tell them about Jesus.

Sometimes the grief comes in waves...sometimes like an arrow.

A friend wondered if we would prepare an obituary.  I immediately made one up in my head but hesitated to send it into the newspaper.

Jordan Unrau 1997 - 2012

You may be reading on Facebook or elsewhere that Jordan Unrau is dead.  Don't you believe a word of it....he is more alive than he ever has been before.  He is enjoying Jesus face to face and all that heaven can offer.  Still on mission here on earth are his parents, Kim and Darlene, older brothers Matthew and Joel, grandparents, Betty Wittenberg, Pete and Shirley Unrau and aunts, uncles, cousins and scores of friends who miss his presence.
In lieu of flowers, believers, go command sickness to leave someone's body in Jesus' name and then tell them how much Jesus loves them. And if you are reading this and don't know Jesus, find a believer who knows Him really well and ask questions.

It didn’t seem right to send them to just anyone who claims to be a Christian because, well, we've found over the years that loads of Christians aren't really sure that they are loved, that heaven is a place they'd really like to spend eternity (many Christians expect they will get bored) and are definitely not confident in healing the sick.  Between Kim and I, we've cast out our share of demons, but heal the sick and raise the dead...we're just getting started.

Which is why am I so impressed with the young children I have met who have faithfully prayed for my son and my family. The children we will see in Florida have gone to bed praying for us every night and awakened every morning to ask "Is Jordan healed yet?” Every morning!  That's tenacity!  That's faith.  It shouldn't surprise me.  Jesus instructed us to get our cues from them concerning faith.  Kim and I have been delivering Jordan's Lego police vehicles to the children we know of in Kelowna who have prayed.  Police Lego seemed most appropriate since the police don't make the laws.  They are there to enforce the law, stand for justice and give the bad guys pause.  I want to do that.  We are made to do that.

Jordan and I talked about Josh Wilson's Song "I Refuse" frequently throughout his battle.  If anyone has a reason to be totally self-centered, it's someone who is struggling with a cruel life-threatening illness.  So I would tell Jordan how I respected his choice to be interested in the lives of others, to reach out with kindness to help and to pray for them.  He didn't command only serious diseases away.  When his Grammy or brother had a cold or a flu, Jordan joined us is declaring healing and encouraging them not to just "take it".  And they didn't just take it.  And it was bewildering and heart ripping when they were healed and we saw no change in Jordan’s condition.  Why wasn’t Jordan healed this side of heaven?

So appreciate that few even attempt to answer that question.  I can't imagine an adequate answer to satisfy me.   Just know I'm still here.... so there are people left for me to point to Jesus.

Steady My Heart

Yesterday was the first day in months we awoke without a list of what must be done.  I stayed in my pjs until after lunch.  It wasn't until well into the afternoon that I began to open and read the cards. And only now are Kim and I sharing the emails written to us individually over the months - there just wasn't space.  I can't read more than a few at a time.  It is as if we are bathed in encouragement. Words are so powerful.  And when there are specific memories of Jordan attached to the messages, well my heart fills up and leaks through my eyes.  :-) How is it that tears can be both happy and sad...along with several other strong emotions?

I'd like to give all my friends Jordan's music playlist...but what I can do is supply the titles and singers.  Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe is one of our favourites and thoroughly resonates with us these days.  I'll work on typing up the rest for the next posting.

Jordan must have been cheering as he watched believers praying for those struggling with pain and sickness Friday night at the Celebration.  We have had at least 5 responses of instant healings...including a rugby injury.  I understand that as his mom was driving him home, she turned back around to return to the celebration to receive relief from her pain as well.  Yahoo!! Yet, the wild part is that we have been in several powerful prayer gatherings where many received the healing that Jesus paid for. We would leave those meetings not seeing the results that we were hoping for in Jordan’s body. So our hearts go out to those who did not see and yet still believe. We are not going to stop obeying and believing.  How can we stop? Our friend Dorte made that incredible We Win Video from the Celebration Service. And here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX3ZEwRGE1Y&feature=youtu.be

Communicating to my long distance friends through the blog has become such a part of my thought process over this last year.  I find myself thinking, "I'll have to put this on the blog".....so I guess we'll just keep posting until we stop...:-)

Kim's booking flights today for a Florida Christmas with our sons.  Friends, who are more like family, have offered their home and then beach condo for end of December to mid-January.  The ocean, as well as these friends, Barbers, Joan and the Puchs, have always been a significant source of restoration for our family. Jordan will be everywhere in Florida since every few years we would head down to visit:  Jumping in the waves with his brothers and friends and then creating huge fortresses in the sand.  What a gift!!! 

Grateful

Matthew and Joel flew back to school yesterday and our friends made their way back home which leaves us with each other, our best friend Jesus and Tucker. We are overwhelmed by the love of family and friends and are enjoying the comfort that only Jesus can bring.

Some were not able to view the Celebration of Jesus in Jordan, so we put the full service on YouTube

Here is that link: http://youtu.be/tIgkG_BFsZ8

We also have another link for the slideshow all by itself: http://youtu.be/6eq4EgkNRSU

We have received questions on how to participate in Jordan’s “We Win” Fund. That information is on the picture below that you can print, fill in and mail, or phone the church or email mark@thebridgekelowna.com to give over the phone. The charitable receipt is only for Canadians.

If you would like to send in video clips of blessing to our family, pictures you might have or any message of encouragement or memory, please send that to welldonejordanunrau@gmail.com

That will come directly to the family.

We will probably continue writing on this blog in that the journey has not ended.

We are looking forward.

God With Us

I find myself speaking about Jordan in both the present and past tense...similar to when our friend moved to Africa and we would say "She loved that...". She was alive, just not with us.

As we plan the Friday night service, the details are threatening to overwhelm so we're trying to pace ourselves.  Lots of family and friends are helping but the decisions are many.  When the pastor of Evangel reminded Kim that it is decorated for Christmas, I overheard Kim respond, "Well, Christmas is all about God with us. This is about Jordan with God.”

The link for the live video of the Celebration that will begin at 7pm Pacific Standard Time on Friday is:  http://www.livestream.com/jordanunrau

I wrote friends that I have used up all my emoticons in various combinations.

Remember the flood a month ago? Well the restoration company has been so wonderful.  After putting everything on hold while we were in Vancouver, I've just requested that they put in all the fixtures ASAP since we have a houseful.  They have gone far above and beyond.

Today, a thoughtful workman downstairs asked if he might move our family photos off the wall so he could install the towel bar on the other side of the wall.  I looked at all the photos of Jordan when he was a toddler - 2 soothers (pacifiers) in his mouth at once, body dripping as he emerges from the ocean, held by his big brothers after he came home from the hospital....and tears just flooded my eyes and suddenly, I couldn't see.  The poor man.  He was just trying to help and I was watching my son's memories through a telescope backwards.  How would we ever have imagined going through what we have?  And to end up loving each other so, loving God so?  How is that possible?

Losing and Winning

This part of the journey is such a strange place to be in.  I love books and yet, I have never read a book to help me with where I am at this exact minute.  In a funny way, I am grateful.  It seems as if I can't mess this up or get it wrong.  I can only walk this part of the journey the best I know how.

We went to view Jordan's body today with Matthew and Joel.  They arrived early this morning.  Their flight was significantly delayed; it wasn't until after 1 in the morning that Kim and I greeted them off the plane.  Such fuzzy faces from the no-shave November...one so dark and other so fair.  They are amazing men.  It is so wonderful to be in agreement.  We know that Jordan is having a great time in heaven and we are still hopeful he will return to join us really soon.

Funny for me how tears and laughter are not inconsistent.  Often, we laugh through our tears.  The pain hits when we look back to the torment he endured and look ahead to the possibility of not having his companionship on earth.  The laughter hits when we think of what he is up to in heaven.  Jordan loves to ask unique questions, which makes us wonder what his conversation with Abraham sounds like.  It also hits when we think about what we are doing: Together, we are believing in the resurrection power of Christ to raise up Jordan...and we blogged it.  Who does that?  Yet, when I finally fell asleep last night, the words of Jesus kept encircling over me, "When I return will I find faith on the earth?"  Was Jesus just referring to the faith that accepts His Lordship over my life, or was He talking about a faith that believes absolutely everything He said.

I have always longed to be a woman of faith--because faith pleases God and I love putting a smile on His face.  Jesus said I would do greater works than He would and it would only take a mustard seed of faith.  We have believed, but we have not seen Jordan healed this side of heaven.  Joel puts it so well, "If we say, ‘well Jordan is healed, either way--through heaven or prayer,’ then haven't we just moved the goalposts so we don't feel embarrassed for praying the prayer of faith?" I totally get it.  We lost this battle for healing on earth.  No question. Although we know the end of the story is that we win the war, Jesus returns to earth, ushers in His rule and reign, and ultimately, rids the earth of the enemy...we still lost this one.

So why don't I feel defeated?  Because I am Jordan's mom...and I am thrilled that he is living - really living.  For crying out loud, he is face to face with Jesus!!!!!  Everywhere he goes, he is unafraid.  Everyone he meets loves to meet and know him.  He belongs.  His opportunities are unlimited.  His creativity knows no bounds.  If he can think it--he can do it, because he has all the resources and all the ability.  His body is flawless and powerful.  He is surrounded by beauty. As D.L. Moody put it,  "Someday you will read in the newspaper that I am dead.  Don't believe a word of it!  I will be more alive than I have ever been."

Even with complete healing, his body would be whole but it would eventually start to decay...just as all our bodies are now decaying. All the tastes and treats he so missed eating as he became more ill couldn't possibly compare to the tastes of heaven.  On the other hand, as I mentioned in a previous blog, my perspective as a sister in the Lord says, “we could really use Jordan’s help here.”  Earth is where he can take revenge on the enemy who tortured him.  He can heal the sick, cast out demons, and raise the dead - all signs and wonders that point to the incredible love of Jesus!  He can tell others firsthand accounts of heaven and attempt to explain what it was like to be face-to-face with Jesus.  Jordan can't do those things if he doesn't return.  And we could use some encouragement in North America to see the miraculous that seems so common in other nations.

My friend, Linda reminded me that at this point, the enemy is not in the equation.  This is between Jordy and Jesus.

We are holding a Celebration of the Life of Jesus in Jordan at 7:00pm, Friday, December 7 at Evangel Church, 3261 Gordon Drive, Kelowna, BC.

For those at a distance, there will be live video streaming of the celebration.  We will send a link to you some time next week.

Carried

Kim here:

Wow, what an incredible thing it is to be carried by Jesus. We have spent many hours just enjoying the affection of Jesus. So with Him, we have spoken strong declarations of truth, enjoyed glorious worship, quiet reflection, loud laughter and shed some tears. We know that people are very concerned for us - hoping that we aren’t going to hit the wall or fall of the cliff of false hope. But how can hope in Jesus be false?
I remember being worried that if Jordan died, that I would no longer believe that God was good. Truth is that I am more convinced of His goodness now than ever. Darlene said yesterday that she loves Jesus more now than she ever has before.
This might be the effect of thousands of people praying fervently for you all at once. And we don’t know how we will think and feel next week. But Jesus will be with us next week. Truth will still be truth next week.

Years ago, Jesus transformed my understanding of success. He asked me if Jeremiah from the Old Testament was a success. Don’t know. He asked me if Jesus was a success in the eyes of the world in the moment he was despised and rejected. Doesn’t look like it. So what is success? This is what Father said, “Success is listening and obeying”. Jesus said that if we came to Him, listened to Him and did what He said that we wouldn’t be crushed by the storm.  If we had defined success as healing or resurrection, then we have failed. But since we have defined success as listening and obeying, we believe that all of us who have listened and obeyed are incredibly successful. And that’s why we can wallow in the affirmation of Jesus. We have done really well. Jordan did really well.
On Tuesday morning, even after everything had been taken from him - he could no longer eat or drink and communication was incredibly difficult -  he tried to say something to us. It took us awhile to understand that that he was saying, “Why don’t we have communion?”. We were stunned. You want communion? He nodded. We wept together and praised Jesus for his body and blood given for us. Jordan could only have a flake of cracker and a drop of grape juice but that was the last thing we did together. Jordan did really well.

When the surgeon told Jordan in March that they needed to amputate his leg, he replied, “I want to be healed or I want to go to heaven. I don’t want my leg cut off”. Well, now he has both: healing and heaven, simultaneously - Not the way we would have chosen or were praying but nevertheless true.

Matthew and Joel are flying in tonight.  It is so good to be on the same page as a family and praying in the same mind.  

And, what’s up with you people in Russia? Even though people from many nations are praying for Jordan and our family, Russia came in fourth for most visits to the blog. Who are you people? Please write to the email address from the last post and let us know so we can thank you.

Many are asking about plans for a memorial celebration service - still don’t have any. Too busy worshipping and dancing today. Check back tomorrow. We may have more clarity at that point. One step at a time.

Darlene here:

I am of at least 2 minds, but I am a woman. The mother part of me wants Jordan to be kept safe.  He has been through enough suffering.  Asking him to return to earth almost feels cruel.  I went to a funeral 5 years ago where a woman had suddenly and painlessly died at the age of 50.  Her daughters stood up to speak they said they could not begrudge their mother heaven since she had already died once at the age of 10, come back to life 20 minutes later and was irritated with everyone for years.  “Why did you bring me back?”  Heaven was sooo amazing.  When she was taken to a beautiful garden she would say “It’s too bad that everything has this gray film on it....makes everything so dirty.”  Once she came to terms with being “stuck” back on earth she became a huge witness, telling everyone she met how wonderful heaven and Jesus were.  How can I ask Jordan to return if I probably wouldn’t. without significant kicking and screaming?

But then I have a “sister - in - the - Lord" perspective.  We need Jordan here as a fellow warrior.  The world needs to know that Jesus has the power to forgive sins, to set us free from sickness and death, to love us to life.  Jordan’s friends need courage to keep being the men of God they are becoming.  As his aunt Kathy put it, “Jordan’s high school needs him.”  Because they need Jesus.  And I want to empty a hospital with him and just laugh and laugh and laugh with joy.

These 2 perspectives don’t make me double-minded and I have peace about both of them soo...not our will but Yours be done Jesus.  Jordan’s room is waiting for him.  The house is stripped of wheelchairs, commodes, hospital beds, lift systems.  We can go shopping for new jeans since I’m sure by now he is well over 6 feet - taller than Joel.  And he started showing a bit of mustache in the last few weeks....we can get a shaver.  :-)  And I’m sure grade 10 math won’t be so daunting after his trip to heaven and back.  

Whenever I ask Jesus about Jordan I just see him dancing  - amazing moves that you couldn’t do on earth.  He always liked making up his own. Walking and leaping and praising God!!!

Jordan’s body is being transported to Kelowna.  He looks so gorgeous (an objective mother’s perspective) We saw his body at the Burnaby funeral home yesterday...he still has the little smirk that the nurses’ first noticed.  They have seen many children’s bodies and they were shocked with his peace. His hair is just a bit over his forehead, the way I love it and he would always laugh and push it all up.   It was good for us to sit and invite him back and submit to Jesus’ will at the same time.  We laughed and cried and laughed when we realized we didn’t have any kleenex.  Who doesn’t have kleenex in a viewing room?  And on that note, hospitals and hospices have the hardest kleenex in the world!  Sandpaper!  When visiting friends, bring Puffs or something softer.  :-)  I needed to see him since it was so painful us to witness his body taken from Canuck Place. We looked after that body for soo long.  I wanted to ask them to especially watch the right leg.  I love that boy!

This is what you do, You make me come alive.

This is the title of Jordan’s favorite song (by Matt Stinton) and it has been for quite awhile. Which is good, because last night, Jordan experienced life like he never has experienced before. He went to be with Jesus.

The experience of witnessing him go from his body was unlike anything we could have imagined. There was immediate and profound joy that his suffering was over. He had just finished having a sponge bath. Darlene had massaged his feet and hand and given him a back scratch. When we returned him to lying on his back, he simply stopped breathing. No gasping or struggling. No more pain, no more iv lines coming from his body, no more struggle communicating, no more feeling left out of life.  And he can eat and drink and laugh and run and be completely free from being trapped in a dying body.  And we experienced peace. And gratitude. And then we did what every believer in Jesus has authority to do – tell the dead who have died before God’s natural time, to come back to life. To wake up.  It wasn’t in a panic or out of desperation, it was out of promise, out of obedience and out of overwhelming revelation that has come through many dreams and visions from across Canada and the U.S. People from all over have had this confidence that the end wasn’t the end, but the beginning. That Jordan’s calling on earth is not over and that we are to agree with Jesus that after Jordan receives the revelation he needs, gets his tour of heaven and meets those Jesus wants him to meet, that he is to come back and finish the job that Jesus gave him to do. That death can’t hold him.

If this all weirds you out, we are drawing from an overwhelming foundation of Scripture. Jesus commanded his disciples to raise the dead. He hasn’t changed his mind. The disciples raised the dead after Jesus ascended to heaven. Dorcas in Acts 9 was the first to come to mind last night.  We have been given resurrection power as we believe - Ephesians 1:19-23. Women received their dead back to life - Heb. 11:35. Jesus promised that we would do what He did, and even greater things. He proclaimed in John 16 that He would give us everything He has - which includes authority over death. Romans 4:17 states that God gives life to the dead. We have four friends who have raised the dead in the past few years, on this continent. This is part of our inheritance that has been lost.

You may think that we should just let it go and accept what has happened and start to grieve. We have never been in this place before – so we are living in the moment and responding in the moment. That means we are leaning into Jesus and doing what we believe is right – hour by hour right now. 

You don’t have to agree or do anything. We just wanted you to know we are up to. At present – we are not spending any time planning a memorial service. We need to be in this day – talk with our sons – process and listen. We know that many of you are wondering what can you do – or how to process. Each of us must process our own thoughts and feelings. Just because we are feeling joy, doesn’t mean you have to. But please go on your journey with Jesus. And pray that our family will remain in Him and His love remain in us.

We will keep you posted on the blog as we have a clearer direction of the next steps for us. We don’t feel anxiety. There is just an incredible desire to obey the command of Christ to raise the dead. The Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is in us and in energizing us. We aren’t striving or trying to make things happen through human effort, just calling for the fulfillment of Jordan’s unfulfilled promises and desires here on earth. At present - we are planning on spending the next 24 hours here with Jordan’s body at the hospice. Waiting, believing, listening, obeying, soaking in the peace and calm that is ours. We feel carried, so thank you for standing with us. We would love to have a resurrection/celebration party! Because, Jesus makes us come alive!

We are going to stay in Vancouver for a bit to focus on Jesus and His love and truth. And to rest - it’s been a long run.

If you have any dreams or revelation please send them to the same email: dreamsforjordan@gmail.com

Jordan's Calling

Jordan asked Jesus a question on Jan. 3, 2011 - one year to the day before his diagnosis: "What kind of man are you making me into?" The following is what Jordan heard: (Kim had written it down and forgotten about until yesterday)
1. You are making me into a Warrior of the Lord - like a Viking.
2. I will be a big bulky man with a battle axe on my shoulder.
3. I will kill scores of the enemy (ie: spiritual realm).
4. I will not be able to figure everything out.
5. I will be a man who has a different spirit who thinks in a different way.
6. I will become this man through suffering.
7. You have called me to walk through suffering in a “power walk” kind of way.
8. You will be with me the whole way.
9. You will never give up on me.
10. You will never let me go.
11. The great prayer that you are calling me to pray is in James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

We don't believe that Jesus sends sickness as a form of suffering to teach or train believers. We believe that the enemy is the one who kills, steals and destroys, but that Father forms great things in us through the process.

This list has become a prayer sheet for us - Jesus, Jordan needs to be healed so that he can fulfill the calling you have for him. If you agree, join us.

Dad, why is my bed shaking?

We found out how to lengthen the bed beside Jordan, so last night I got to have a sleepover with him. This morning the tears just wouldn’t stop.  It’s tough to cry really hard and not make any noise.  I did my best.  All the loss and wrongness of the past 11 months was overwhelming. Like most of you, when I need some perspective, I have my favourite worship playlist. As the first song rose, I was prompted to dance. Dance through the tears. And I knew the pleasure of Jesus in it. In fact, that has to be the most common knowing these days for me.  I hear, “This is my brother, whom I love. With him I am well pleased”.  In the midst of the dance, Jordan asked me (it’s getting hard to understand what he says), “Dad, why is my bed shaking?” I told him I was dancing. Dancing upon injustice, dancing in the face of fear and loss. Dancing in prep for the celebration of wholeness. When you fix your eyes upon Jesus, it’s hard not to dance.

We have heard an increasing chorus of people who are rising up in an intercession that is new for them. We hear that they are praying like they have never prayed before. That’s true for us too – although there is a rest in the midst of the prayer. Lately, we have received an invitation from our friends out east. They have offered to be a clearing house for any dreams or revelations that you have been receiving for Jordan.  Some have been asking about prophetic words that we have received for Jordan and even about his name. We chose Jordan because great things happened in that river. The Israelites crossed over the Jordan River toward the Promised Land. Jesus heard his Father’s affirmation and Holy Spirit descended upon him in that river. Great things happen to people when they get to know Jordan. The name actually means to descend. Jesus descended to us to make all things new. Jordan is called to go low and make things new for the broken, sick and lost. He is called to carry the fullness of the King and the Kingdom without fear and with great faith and love. He has significant favour.

Here’s a conversation Jordan had yesterday with a social worker who came into his room to find out how he could help Jordan make the most of his little bit of awake, not painful time.

"What do you want to do Jordan?"

"I want to heal people." 

Long Pause with a perplexed look on the social worker's face

"Well Jordan, I have been hearing conversations over the past 2 weeks among the staff.  And you are healing people right here....and you have things to say to other kids in your situation."

"That's okay but I need to be healed so I can heal people"

Not much to say after that hey?

 So, if you have dreams or revelations, please send them to dreamsforjordan@gmail.com

Reset Button

I awaken with mixed feelings.  Jordan's level of pain has been so out of control that for the vast majority of most days, he is sedated.  When he is awake, he asks for prayer and eats what he can. There is no hiding what our family believes. Worship music and praying from friends over the phone or in person squeak through our door into the hallway.  Nothing really changes when the doctors or nurses enter the room; in fact, Jordan will frequently request they join in if he is in pain.  

We’ve had some of our friends stay overnight with Jordan to help us get a good nights sleep and to continue to speak the truth to his body during the night. It has been amazing and restorative for us.  It’s been tough for Jordan to think about connecting face to face with his friends as it makes him sad and he feels all the losses all over again.  When they walk out of the room, he wants to walk out with them.

Sometimes the losses for Jordan come so quickly that it takes awhile for the shock to sink in.  Tuesday Jordan told his grandparents that his faith was bending...and then a few hours later, he prayed for his nurse and blessed her.  As Kim so aptly put it, our reset button is Hope.  Can't be otherwise if we believe the words of Jesus.

I Have A Light

After coming out of a heavily medicated sleep he had for an in-house surgical procedure, Jordan started softly singing this song by Don Potter:

"I have a Light, and it always shines
It shines in the day, and it shines in the night
When the dark days come, and the sun isn't bright
I will be shining, because I have a Light"

I lost it.  I have heard that old song at least 100 times and it never hit me like it did when Jordan sang it.  He is living it.

Stand Firm and Rest

We are not alone in our stand for healing and wholeness. In the last few days, Jordan has heard people from Texas, Florida, BC, Iowa, North Dakota, Washington, Alaska, Michigan and Australia command life into his body and all cancer to go. These believers are confident in their authority in Christ and have made a commitment that they won't quit.

Most of Jordan's day is spent sleeping. The pain has been lower in his legs and spine, he has less movement and increased facial pain The meds necessary are quite high and end up making him very groggy. But when he is awake, there are special moments to be had: 

Baths up to three hours long

Receiving prayer

Receiving a massage on Friday

Building a walking chameleon, complete with battery pack, with a Lego Master outside Thursday

Beating his brother Matthew in a very short Chess match Saturday morning

Going for bed rides outside under the Christmas lights Saturday evening

And praying for others. This is a video clip of Jordan praying for a family friend, Lindsay. He also prays for and blesses the staff from the house and any visitors that need healing. 

Lastly, enjoying some great music; either worship from our selection or a live concert - like Jonathan and Brian who came over yesterday and sang and prayed over Jordan.

So, yes there are tears and unanswered questions, but we are standing and resting in the promises of Christ. Thank you for joining us.

The Eye of the Storm

We pulled up the extra bed in Jordan's room alongside him and I slept here for the night.  He needed some extra TLC after another rough day ending with a tough conversation.  The reason we came to Canuck Place was to explore two options for pain management until Jordan's healing. Both are harsh but one has become dangerous due to the seemingly rapid progression of numbness throughout his body.  So in many ways we are backed into a corner.

Fortunately, Aunt Denise arrived near the end of the conversation with freshly made meatloaf and smashed potatoes - secret family recipe.

And what we had thought would be a few days, (I packed for 5 to be on the safe side) suddenly has no end in sight...that all by itself was a tough one.  I think Jordan knew before we did. A family photo from the summer arrived in the mail as a gift from our photographer's parents, Doug and Lavonne - perfect timing.  We were missing home.

The night felt, on a sensory level, like coming full circle from January for me...sleeping on a hospital bed in sweats with machines going, sounds of nurses in the hall, and Reece's comforting quilt covering me.  Throughout the night, I would hear Jordan's murmured prayers, commands to his body and expressions of trust and love to Jesus.  And then a few minutes ago he hums the song "You have been so good to me".

In a text I received this morning, Reece asked me if I was scared.  And I was surprised, after checking, that I was more mad/frustrated than scared.  For crying out loud, he just wants to sit up or lie on his side.  And late last night and this morning, eating became increasingly difficult, stealing some of the joy from one of his few pleasures.  This is wrong on soo many levels.

Two OT stories come to mind.  The showdowns between the prophets of Baal and Elijah and David and Goliath.  In both, the deck was stacked against the people of God.  Jordan and I have talked most about the latter but God and I have talked most about the former.  I'm not to jump about, contorting and beating myself to get God's attention.  We are His kids, bought by His Son's body and blood.  The act of communion reminds us continually.

One Day Closer

As I said good night to Jordan, that is what he responded with - "One Day Closer".  He is referencing what our prayer warrior friend Sheila greets him with every time she visits.  "One day closer to your healing".  

Canuck Place is housed in a turn of the century renovated mansion, complete with wrought iron gates, close to Ronald McDonald House and Children's Hospital.  It's the place we never, ever imagined becoming residents of. We arrived by air ambulance Friday in a plane which was less than a week old, with 2 pilots, 2 paramedics, room for 2 patients and 1 companion.  I was grateful that I was able to accompany Jordan as he was the only guest.  He was wheeled out from our home as some of the first snowflakes were flying....the landscape on our street looked like a Christmas card.  God is into the details because Jordan adores snow.  The ambulance took us straight to the airport, transferred Jordan into the plane and flew us the 50 minutes over the Rockies on a sunny day to Vancouver where another ambulance picked us up and drove us the 20 minutes to Canuck Place.  All the while, Jordan stayed strapped into the same gurney taking breakthrough medication when needed.  Kim and Tucker arrived several hours later by car with our luggage.

Its so kind of the hospice staff to let us bring Tucker.  He pretty much stays on Jordan's bed or one of the easy chairs beside it. His eyebrows and ears flickering as he watches and listens to all the activity around his master.

From the onset, the staff has no question about what Jordan's posture is.   Although he battles the varying degrees of pain in his back, loss of feeling and movement in his lower body, as well as issues with sight, speech and hearing, his consistent request is for prayer....and not just feel good prayer.  He is leading the charge.  As he drifts into a medicated sleep or pops out of a doze, Jordan will either be stating his love for us or be commanding his body "to display the manifestation of his healing".  Right after being given more bad news, "he will tell his body to get up and walk in the name of Jesus".  When he hears others are not well, he commands healing to their bodies - with pretty great results.  When pain flashes, Jordan's first request is for prayer..."Pain goes, restoration comes".  Sometimes the pain leaves immediately and he praises Jesus.  He despises the lines coming out of his body. There are only minutes out of every day since we arrived where Jordan is physically comfortable….unless you count sleeping or being knocked out. He is grateful for the staff's care (it's been hard on them to see him in such pain) but wants "to get up and show them what Jesus can do".  Yesterday morning, he used the word hopeless and then turned around and prayed once again.

Last night, when Kim and I tucked him in before we went to our room, I called out, "Can't wait to see you tomorrow" and Kim followed it up with a faith-filled "And play with you".  Jordan's response was "And empty hospitals together".  He has heard our friend Linda, who worked in Mozambique, talk about the day she and friends spoke healing to the patients in a hospital and watched the power of God empty it......Why not?  Why not here?  Why not?

I made a deal with Jordan wayyy back.  I would not give up Plan A.  Though EVERYTHING (thankfully not everybody) around me screams that I need to face "reality", and though I often end up in tears over the agony and bravery I witness in my youngest son, I don't have a choice.  Because in spite of everything I see, the life of Christ is in me and I was not given Holy Spirit to watch and not pray, or speculate instead of fight.  I have nowhere to go.  Our instructions are pretty clear in this one....even if it feels like the millionth time we command the pain to go and the restoration to come.

Squishing all of you who are holding up our arms and battling on our behalf.  This journey is unbelievably difficult.  Thankfully, Matthew and Joel are flying in on Thursday to be with us over the weekend. They love to speak life to Jordan’s body.

Siri Speaks the Truth

Kim writing ... Tucker and I drove down to Vancouver today in an attempt to catch up to Darlene and Jordan who were flown down from Kelowna in an Air Ambulance en route to Canuck Place Children’s Hospice. We were not able to give Jordan the help he needs at home. On the way, I used a program on my IPhone called Siri. I can ask the program questions and it does its best to answer.
I asked, “Use maps to find Canuck Place Children’s Hospice in Vancouver”
This was the answer it gave:

I repeated the question, and this was the second answer it provided:

I understand that these answers might be pre-programed into the mix, but I had never seen them before. And no matter what, they are true. And I heard truth when I really needed it - because the words Children and Hospice should never be in the same title. It’s not right that we are here. It’s not right that we need their help even though we are grateful for their help. They are great people dedicated to embracing life and hope to get us back home next week.

A man named Joe prayed powerfully for Jordan last week. Here’s what I remember: “We Command, We Stand and then We Rest in what Jesus has done.” Please pray for us in that rest part.

Jordan Bringing Joy

Darlene writes nearly all of these posts. But today, it’s my turn. 

Jordan’s relationship with Jesus has gone through a dramatic shift in the last month. Previously, he was calling on Jesus to heal, save and deliver. He is still doing that. But he is spending more time remaining in His love and fixing his eyes on Jesus.
This morning, while soaking in the hot tub, Jordan’s pain was quite high. And the hot tub has been one place to find relief.  So he asks me for help to fix his eyes on Jesus. Our first question to Jesus was “What was one of Your favourite days on earth?” Jesus responded that he loved the day that Lazarus was raised from the dead. When we asked why, Jordan heard Jesus speak to his spirit, “It was fun to see the Pharisees think that this one would be too hard for me and then see Lazarus come out of the tomb”. We then asked Jesus what happens in his heart when we choose to trust Him. Jordan saw and heard Jesus do a little dance while singing, “You did it, you did it.  You’re doing it”. There was such joy. We spent some time overwhelmed by our excitement in bringing Jesus joy. There is no experience on this earth higher than bringing Jesus joy. For this we were made. I wept. We went to John 15 - Remain in me and let my words remain in you. Remain in my love, then you can ask for anything and I will give it to you.  We got good at the second part, now we are really enjoying the first part. Jordan is freely receiving like he has never received before. He is wallowing in Jesus’ love.  I often catch him spending a lot of time fixing his eyes on Jesus and interacting with him in conversations and visions. He can’t seem to get enough of good worship that reminds him of the truth of who Jesus is and who we are in Christ.
Not all moments are this brilliant. Just thought I’d share the blazing light of this one.

On a side note:  Realized that we haven’t let you all know that Jordan is now sleeping on the first floor on a hospital bed.  Moving from den to family room and back is his daily challenge... He hasn’t left the house since last Sunday’s radiation. And we have met 2 possible nurses to help out in our home.  They are both wonderful.  Hard to believe we’re at this stage.

Amen

We've passed the 300th day mark of waking to an unbelievable prognosis and increasingly daunting symptoms.  Each day continues to bring unexpected joys and sorrows.  It's as if our family lives outside the normal routine of school, work, chores, weekdays or weekends.

Jordan's favourite thing is still receiving prayer whether it is over the phone, in person or lately through emails and letters I read over him.  This is from a card we received yesterday from Meredyth, a woman who was in our church when we were youth pastors in Niagara Falls, before Jordan was born:
"Christ the Healer, in Your name, I command any disease, abnormality, disfigurement or discomfort to be eradicated, normalized, restored and soothed because it's Your will and Your glory.  So be it in the powerful name of Jesus."
And we all say, "Amen" - it is certain, it is sure.”

Close Call

This morning began with Kim and me gathering our suitcases for a move to Canuck House, a children's hospice in Vancouver, 4 hours away.  Too many systems seemed to be shutting down in Jordan's body for us to continue to care for him well.  Joel drove himself to the airport after a tearful goodbye.  We were all in rough shape.  A few significant answers to prayer later and we headed to our local hospital instead, for an MRI.  As a result, we're headed once again to begin radiation Sunday morning for another spot in Jordan's spine.  But we're back home tonight and we're all so grateful.  Dinner and Tucker met us when our little family returned home.  Sights for sore eyes.  God bless our wonderful friends.

Because of Jordan's leg, spine and arm, his strategy has been to stay pretty much immobile to practice pain avoidance.  No wonder he sometimes expresses the feeling of being trapped - not being free to move.  New friends, Dave and Patti, are flying in tomorrow night for a few days of concerted prayer.  They recently arrived on the scene just after I asked Father for additional experienced reinforcements with a track record in healing.  Thank you Jesus!

One of Jordan’s new favourite songs – “This is what You do” by Matt Stinton

Choosing Praise

Hope is a certain positive expectation of good for the future.  And I'm watching Kim and Jordan though the sliding doors in the hot tub right now choosing Hope. After spending the morning in bed, Jordan made his way downstairs to our hot tub where his mobility is less impeded.  I was thinking back to the last time I saw Jordan walk.  It was the beginning of May on our family vacation.  While it was more of a hobble, he moved independently on his feet.  Early last week was the last time he used his crutches.  He has been crawling and moving about on office chairs that we propel him with.  Although getting in and out is not without its hazards, Jordan's freedom in the water makes it worth it.

And here is where our help comes from:
"1 I lift up my eyes to the hills (when he is in the hot tub, the view of the hills are just behind his head) -- where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; 8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more. (Psalms 121:3-8 NIV)

Last week, after a flash rain, we discovered water seeping through the baseboards of our downstairs guest bathroom.  Apparently a drainage pipe was blocked and the rain flooded underneath the foundation beneath our front door.  Somehow - like the stolen truck - it just didn't faze us in light of Jordan's suffering.  Steve, the disaster clean up expert, met with Kim this morning to tell him that insurance will cover it and our deductible has been covered as well.  Will I ever not cry in the face of kindness?  Every time, when we stumble, Father puts someone in our path to lift us up - an email, a phone call, a prayer, a card. We experience favour on every side.  It is Jordan's turn to experience favour in his body... today.

Planning

So Jordan went to sleep tonight planning out what he'll do when he sees his body restored.  Heads up - it includes a lot of parties with lots of food.  He wants to invite everyone who has been praying for him to a giant banquet where we end up commanding every sickness, disease and pain to GO!

But the first day Jordan wants to show up at his friends' schools and during lunch and just say "Hi, let's throw a football around!" Before that, he will run out on the street just yelling that he is healed.  He'll play frisbee and badminton with me, basketball with his dad and take Tucker for runs, not walks.

This morning in our Sunday gathering, Jordan blessed me for living up to the name I married into.   Somewhere back we read the name Unrau means tenacious and have reminded our sons of that ever since.  It is who we are and who we are becoming.

The friends praying over the phone for Jordan this week has been life to us since we haven't been really social.  Joel flew home yesterday for a week long stay.....sooo good to have him with us.  He just jumps into bed beside Jordan or lays on the floor near him and just lays his hands on him to command in the Name of Jesus.